Love People In All Kinds Of "Weather"
Spoken By The Supreme Master Ching Hai
International 4-Day Retreat, Sydney, Australia
May 12, 1997
(Originally In English)
Make sure your love is unconditional. Make sure you love people in all kinds of "weather". Or else what is the use if we love a person only when he is good or she is nice? When I need the people most that's when they leave me. All the time. So please, I hope you won't be like that. We always have to consider the other party, your companion's situation and mood. Maybe he's in difficulty right now. That's why his mood is not so sweet. Maybe she has so much work to do and so many headaches, so she cannot be s o darling like usual. That time is the time when we need to show our most noble quality, the way we want ourselves to be.
It's not that if you are sweet to that person then he will love you more. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But that is not the point to be good and to be noble. To be good, to be noble is for ourselves because we choose to be that way, we want to keep being that way, and we feel good about it. It's not because, "Okay, now he needs me more. If I show more sympathy, then our love will be stronger." It's not even to be considered.
But most of the time we fail the test. When people are in most difficulty, we just leave them, or we are cold and indifferent. "Oh, you're not nice to me. All right, all right. (Master made a funny expression.) (Laughter) You'll come and need me soon." Of course they will. When they're in a better mood, when everything goes better, of course they'll come around. But then it's too late. Then it is not love anymore. It's just a need for each other. That's different, because you are used to each other and you need each other sometimes out of habit, out of convenience, out of financial security reasons -- anything. But it's not true love.
True Love Always Prevails
True love is we stick together in "thick and thin". Especially when it's thin, when it's troublesome. Then we should really bridge over the "troubled water". That's what they say in English. But most of us fail the test, to ourselves, not to our partners. He might leave you, he might stay with you, because you're nice or not nice. But you fail yourself. You leave yourself. You leave the most noble being that you really are. So we should check up on this to our family members or whomever that is beloved and dear to us. Most of the time in critical situations, we just turn our backs and that is no good.
Of course we have our anger, our frustrations, because our partners are not as loving as usual, or whomever that is; but he or she is in a different situation. At that time, she or he is in mental suffering. It's just as bad or even worse than physical suffering. Physical suffering you can take a pill or you can have an injection and it stops or at least temporarily stops, and you feel the effect right away; or at least if people are in physical suffering, everyone sympathizes with them.
But when they are in mental anguish, and we pound them more on that, and we turn our backs and become cold and indifferent, that is even more cruel, even worse. That person will be swimming alone in suffering. And especially they trust us as the next of kin, the next person, the one that they think they can rely on in times of need; and then at that time, we just turn around and are snobbish, because they didn't treat us nice so we just want to revenge. That's not the time. You can revenge later, when he's in better shape. Just slap him. (Master and everyone laugh)
Actually, at that time, the person is not his usual self anymore. He was probably under very great pressure that he lost his own control. It's not really lost his own control, but fo example, when you are in a hurry, your talk is different. Right? "Hand me that coat! Quick! Quick! Quick!" Thing like that. But normally, you would say "Honey, please, can you give me that coat." (Laughter) Is that not so? (Audience: Yes.) Or when you're in pain -- for example stomach pain, heartache or whatever -- you scream loudly; and anyone who comes to talk to you, you don't talk in the usual way anymore, because you're in pain.
Similarly, when you are in a mental or psychological pain, you talk also in a very grouchy way, very cross. But that is understandable. So if we -- any so-called loving partner or family member -- do not understand even this very least, very basic concept, then we're finished. Then we are really in a bad situation. It's not that the partner will do anything to us. Whether he does anything to us later or not, that is no problem. The problem is us. The problem is we degrade ourselves, that we make less of a b eing of ourselves than we should be, than we are supposed to be, or that we really are. So do not make less of a being of yourselves.
Unconditional Devotion Is Really For Ourselves
That's the only thing about love, about unconditional devotion. It's not for the other person's benefit. It's for yourselves, because you want to train yourselves. You want to show that you are God. You want to realize God; and the only thing to realize God is to act it out, to know that you can do that, you can be like that. That's why you came here -- to prove that you are really God. Because if you sit in heaven all the time, and you say you are God: "I'm God, I'm God, I'm God," that is not satisfactory.
That's why you came here, to act out this Power of God, this love that is overwhelming inside your bodies. That's why we have to do it. It's not for other people's sake. It's for yourselves to realize who you really are, to realize the great being that is within you. So go home and take this love with you. Don't bring any complaint about the retreat -- the tent was so small, the weather was so cold, and the person next door snored so loud. (Laughter, applause) Whatever it was, it is over. Take the love back with you.
This life is difficult. We all know. I know. I'm tested every day. If you have any tests and trials with your four, five members of your family, just remember me. I have a thousand times over that number, I'm tested every day, and I'm still here. I look probably weathered, but I'm all right because I know tomorrow I still have to continue. We, the practitioner cannot just take our lives and go. We could do that. I assure you we could do that. But we don't, we won't do it. Why? What's the difference, living a few more years here and doing a few more good things, or going right now and enjoying eternity, because we already have that? It will be waiting for us. (Applause) There's no hurry.
I assure you once and for all again here. Even the lousiest of you will go up. (Applause) So now the only problem is here and now. Whatever we have to do, we finish with love and devotion so that the day we go we don't feel, "Oh, I should have done better." Then you regret and come back again. I won't come back with you, not this time. (Master laughs) I don't like to come back. (Master laughs)
We always have problems in this life, I tell you; so just accept it and do your best. Do your best all the time, and when someone else is in trouble and he's a little bit "crispy" with you in his talk, don't mind. Don't set your ego between you two and destroy the love that you want to nourish and make grow. We should build love, not make war. Anywhere -- at home, in the grocery store, on the streets, with friends, with neighbors -- all the time, try to find a way to make peace, to make the situation better , not worse.
Find Ways To Make Peace
If your partner is already very touchy, very on edge and you turn your back, are cold, and don't talk for a few days, does it make it better for you two? Does it make it better for the one that you love? (Audience: No.) No, definitely not. That's not the way to show love, is it? (Audience: No.) So always try to find a way to make peace. If your neighbor is already shouting at you and misunderstands or maybe complains about something that you or your dog or cat does, does it make the situation better for you if you shout back at him, hate him, or think he is a very unreasonable fellow? (Audience: No.) No, it doesn't. So try to understand the other fellow's point of view, situation and feelings as well, because we are not the only ones who have feelings. Maybe at that time we have different opinions, because we see things differently. We have our own feelings, he has his own feelings. Both think they are right. But we have to try to find a way to make a compromise, if we can. If after all we cannot, then at lea st we did our best and we know we are noble. We know we are good and loving, and that's important.
That's why you want to practice the Quan Yin Method. That's the reason why you want to realize the God that's within you. If you want to realize God, the only thing to do is to be God -- anytime. Do the things you think God would do. Speak the things you think God would speak in that given moment. That doesn't mean you cannot be angry or you cannot show your feelings or emotional disagreement. No. If they are true feelings, show them. Then tell the other person that's how you feel. You may feel wrong, but t hat's the way you feel. If they're true at that time, express them. In every given moment, be true to yourself. (Applause)